"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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