You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize