Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
