I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
