Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
