This is not my ceiling
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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