He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize