He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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