yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
