he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
