i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize