Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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