True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
