I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize