I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
