I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
vagina is talking i cant
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Randomize