Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
