I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
