watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
