wakey wakey hands off snakey
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize