Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
