i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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