It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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