I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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