blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
