you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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