how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
