At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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