and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
