Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you traded sex for a burrito?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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