oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
