drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
