Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
