So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you didnt know i had herpes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
