not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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