i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
