so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
