I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
