I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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