oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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