Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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