why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
