There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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