i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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