In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
