Nicole vs. Life
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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