He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
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