Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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