the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
