come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
