what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
