apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
