Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to make a zoo with you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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