You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
