the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
