So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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