The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
