On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize