Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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