tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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