i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
