You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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