If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
is that a dick in a sweater?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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