Pappa wants mamma naked
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize