Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
