the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
