Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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