My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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