So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
