It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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