I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
