So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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