upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's official drugs can't kill me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize