ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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