So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize