i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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