i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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