she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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