Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
