Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
