thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
