They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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