Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
