Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
