Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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