Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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