Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
