The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
