I got chris browned last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
