My friends, they love my intelligence
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize