My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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